Robotic Ape Memorial Garden

As the post below will eloquently tell you, I am indeed elbow deep in the machine that is Cybernetic Primate Research. In an effort to further the public's awareness of the importance of said research, a memorium to cyber-apes of the past stands at CardiganLabs Headquarters as part of the Hyperbolic Stasis Installation. Here are a couple of photos from the Memorial Garden itself, which i hope you will enjoy.

Progress Continues on Monkey Cyborg Force

Lance Cardigan is a man of many diverse interests. The masses of today know him only as a promising young researcher into virtual worlds. As his colleague, I have been able to glimpse many facets not seen by the public of Earth. From my alternate time-perspective in 2053 on a neighboring stable time-stream, many people know him as a heroic Elective Prosthetic Specialist--the man who has returned the tentacle and the tail to the human organism, grafted crab legs to amputees' torsos, and allowed thousands of us to see the entire electromagnetic spectrum though our teeth.

Many of these grateful souls on all eventualities are, however, completely unaware that Dr. Cardigan has also extended his largesse to other species, most notably our noble brothers, the simian tribes. Reasoning that many of these creatures are already blessed with spatial logic, language, and a better sense of humor than most humans, he has dedicated his energy to upgrading their physical frames, creating a wide variety of adapted forms to aid him in his research. In my time with Dr. Cardigan I have witnessed the results of many of these modifications, most of them quite successful; however, the true brain-cyborg mind control link is still something which eludes our efforts.

I am glad to report to you today that university programs funded by one of Dr. Cardigan's research initiatives on this eventuality have borne fruit, as some monkeys in Pittsburgh learned to move a robot arm with their minds. In fact, only moments after this photo was taken, the monkey used the robot arm to pick up a femur he found lying around and brained a rival monkey on the head. Then he threw the bone into the air and it turned into a spaceship.

Cyborg Uprising Imminent

I caught wind of a similar device recently declassified by the US government last week, but neglected to post it as the footage I saw was not that impressive, nor was the suit very cool looking. This however, is much cooler, Japanese, and is created by a company called Cyberdyne...seriously. It is called HAL (another reason that it is badass), or Hybrid Assisted Limb. According to its makers, the suit can increase the strength of the wearer by about 10 times. The potential created by these types of products are amazing, and as mentioned in the video, they are working on developing artificial limbs with similar capabilities as well as functionality with the HAL suit. Beware, the white finish and glowing blue lights may reassure you that nothing bad will happen as you observe it's faculty, but that is just to allow the user to get close enough to snap your spine.

From the desk of Wormocious, Via GameTrailers, posted by user: tukmolj3t

other references:
HAL's Spec Sheet
American suit developed by Sarcos
Sarcos Home

Intra-Dimensional Portal (from common household items)

DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME!!! Because if you do, you risk tearing a gaping hole in the fabric of time and space; thus opening a portal directly to the 6th circle of Hell, where heretics are imprisoned in flaming tombs for eternity. Again, Science Patrol was in no way involved in the production of this video; nor is Science Patrol to be held responsible for the actions of anyone who chooses to view it.
By the way-the demon in the microwave is screaming "Can you hear me now?" backwards in Latin.

from the desk of Dr. Yanos Solong
via youtube user WTCProductions

Dragon-Fly Robot Uprising Imminent

Second Life's Largest Export, the Penis-Copter

Once again, imaginary objects from another dimension are immigrating to our own. Startling dozens of onlookers, a rogue flying penis from Second Life made an appearance at a political demonstration yesterday, buzzing Gary Kasparov.

Via Waxy.org.

Spherical Dimensions

The Russian internet is way cooler than our internet. I am constantly amazed by things i see on Russian sites; and even though i cant read the text, their alphabet looks way cooler than ours. I recently stumbled on Fishki.Net, where i found this gallery containing dozens and dozens of images; all which pay homage to the sphere. The few images posted here are but a paltry sample of the wonderful artwork over at fishki, so what are you doing here? Get over to the Russian internet already-its way better.

This is Science.

MUTO a wall-painted animation by BLU from blu on Vimeo.
These amazing findings were presented to me by our good Dr. Solong, who does us all great service in his sustained vigilance for the most evocative and rousing eventualities this dimension has to offer. Behold, the splendor that is MUTO, a wall-painted animation by artist Blu, who has combined graffiti with animation giving way to a synergy that surpasses both forms. This, my friends, is nothing if not Science.

Jellyfish Robot Uprising in Mid-Air

I think these robots should be released in cities to float down from the heavens and distribute candy to good citizens, while entangling evildoers in their pliable servo-controlled tentacles. Maybe they can also bring pie. Via The Technium.

World's Tiniest Gamers

I cannot believe how minuscule this couple playing Nintendo is! They probably sleep in a sardine can and think that ants are "the scariest thing ever". But you have to give them credit for overcoming their diminutive stature to play games like the rest of us. I can't imagine how hard they must work to actually load the cartridge into the system.

Splitting Bicycles at the Atomic Level

I was recently spying on CERN's Large Hadron Collider labs using Google Earth, when I spotted the above picture; taken by user golabek on location near CERN's headquarters. The photo is of what appears to be an ordinary bike store. However, upon closer inspection you will notice that there is indeed a bicycle protruding from opposite corners of the structure. Whether this is the result of an experiment gone bad, faulty physics, or the practice of mad science is as of yet unknown. CardiganLabs has begun reverse engineering the conditions of this eventuality in an effort to reproduce these findings. Full reports from the Science Patrol team will be transmitted as they occur.

Google Earth Coordinates:
46° 13'56 N
6° 03'10 E

"Monitoring the event horizon of science fiction"

The classic Russian science fiction novel of 1972 Roadside Picnic depicts the visitation of Earth by aliens who leave behind Artifacts which warp the physical reality surrounding them, causing Zones of disturbed space. This scenario was eerily evoked in 1986 when Reactor 4 at the Chernobyl Power Plant exploded, creating massive changes to the surrounding landscape, with the majority of decontaminations occurring inside an area variously referred to as The Chernobyl Zone, The 30 Kilometer Zone, The Zone of Exclusion, The Fourth Zone, or just The Zone. As the entire area was evacuated, the strange few researchers who remained behind referred to themselves as "Stalkers," the novel's term for Artifact hunters. As the fictional reality continued to erupt into our own, it also began to work the other way, and in this way the game known as S.T.A.L.K.E.R.: Shadow of Chernobyl was born, creating new versions of the Zone for Stalkers to play in. The future is a place of many interacting and coexisting futures.

EDIT: Dedicated Stalkers will certainly benefit from a viewing of this custom-built PC casemod which replicates the #4 reactor core (pictured above, the alien monolith from Shadow of Chernobyl; more detailed pics here and all throughout the thread). It's easily the best casemod this researcher has seen, handily beating the Matrix-themed mod I saw last year.